As we recently celebrated Mother's Day I could not help but think about what a difference a year makes. Last Mother's Day I was actually at Disney World with my kids which I thought would be a great place to getaway and celebrate life and motherhood. It was truly magical and we over all had a great time yet my heart thought of Todd almost every moment. I thought of how he would love to see the kids enjoying such a fun and wonderful place and how since he was really just a big kid at heart he would so enjoy everything as well! I was reminded of the way he helped me parent the kids and when we were in crowds he would carry Bethany as her little legs would get tired. Would have been a BIG help in Disney!! I unfortunately could not carry her very far, so thank goodness they had strollers to rent. =) It had only been 10 months at that point so I still longed and even ached for Todd. As I celebrated that Mother's Day my heart was heavy. I was missing his love and admiration and how he never let a Mother's Day go by without telling me what an incredible job I was doing and he regularly told me that Jackson and Bethany had the best Mom! So then I realized I had to change my perspective. Although it was not easy, I decided to remember and focus on all the years and celebrations we did share and didn't allow myself a pity party because after all I was in the happiest place on earth, lol!! So fast forward to this year and can I say, "THANK YOU GOD" for allowing me to make it through another year! My mother in law came into town and we watched Jackson play his last football game of the season and then celebrated my mother in law on Saturday night at one of our favorite places, County Line.
As a side note, I have to share what an incredible example and huge encouragement my sweet mother in law has been. She has been a second mother to me since I was 16 and has always embraced me as her own. I am grateful for her continued love, wisdom and support!! I am beyond blessed by her!
Then Sunday came and my kids came into my room that morning and served me my coffee and the following homemade goodies. What a wonderful surprise and treat!
Then the day just got better and better as I worshiped at church and then we headed to my Mom's in the Hill Country for lunch! I have to say my Mom has become one of my biggest supporters and encouragers and I could not have made it without her these past 21 months. She is one of my best friends and has been a true example of love and sacrifice!! I am grateful to God for my Mom and the incredible blessing she is to me and my kids!
The day ended and my heart was SO full of LOVE for and from my kids and family and for once that seemed to be enough, WHOA!! I had thought about Todd but was truly full of JOY. WOW, maybe I have turned a corner, maybe just maybe. I do know for sure that I am a little further down the road, HALLELUJIAH!!! I am continually reminded that I am not the only one walking life as a single Mom nor as a widow. I still have hard days and not so much because Todd is gone but just because life is hard. We live in a fallen, broken world and raising kids this day and age is harder than ever. I so admire the single Mom's who have gone before me and have done it well! They give me hope. If you are a single Mom or Dad out there I want you to know you are doing a good job! God loves you and believes in you!! He chose YOU to be your child's Mom or Dad and no one else!!
I had the privilege of sharing on a Sunday from the front with Todd in May of 2011 when he asked me to share a message on "Being a godly mother." What was interesting as I thought back on this message was at the time I was happily married to Todd enjoying life as a Mom who had a very hands on husband and Daddy. I remember thinking, "we have a lot of single Moms in our church so I have to keep them in mind and offer some hope and encouragement for them too" I also remember that I stopped and thanked God for allowing to have a wonderful husband to help me parent our children and that I did not have to do it alone! I never would have imagined that 10 weeks later I would be a single parent and raising my kids alone. As I listened to this message again I was reminded of the sweet relationship Todd and I had. It also hit me that this message was now a gift to me. It was meant for many who were there that day but for me now and perhaps you too it is a gift for today! God knew what my future held. He knows yours too. I hope you can take the time to listen.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen youand help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Thank you for walking this journey with me, I pray we can all Live For More,