Saturday marks 20 months since my larger than life husband, Todd went home to Heaven. For those of you new to my blog you can go all the way back to the beginning to get the details and follow my journey to this point. I love that so many are reading my life, stuggles and journey as I continue to walk out life in what are becoming a slightly more comfortable pair of shoes. As I was exercising Tuesday morning my FIT instructor said, my saying for the week is, "The purpose of life, is to live life with a purpose!" So of course the rest of class as I did my squats and lunges, burpies and other tortuous but beneficial exercises =) I thought about those words... "The purpose of life is to live life with a PURPOSE!"
Todd's spiritual philosophy was, Live For More! It become to the philosophy of Wells Branch Community Church and it is still my personal philosophy as well. Todd would always say, "LIVE FOR MORE than this world has to offer!" He continually said, life was about loving God and loving people! SO as I sit here thinking about living life with a purpose and living for more than this world has to offer I wonder, what is my purpose?? As those of you who have lost a spouse, child or husband to divorce you know that what you once felt was your purpose has changed now that your spouse or child is no longer. Before Todd passed away, I was his wife, best friend, soul mate. I was a pastor's wife, encourager and teacher of women and of course the mother of our children. I am still a mother yes but even that has changed. I used to parent along side a very hands on Daddy and team player. He was a huge encouragement and support to me as a mother in more ways that you can imagine!! SO now along with everything else in my life just about I find my roles have changed. Does that mean my purpose has changed also?? I believe the Lords purpose for my life is to use all the experiences and trials he has allowed me to walk through to bring him glory, honor and draw others to Him. I realize that He would have allowed me to share those things in a different way possibly if Todd was still alive, so what now?? What is my purpose now that I have lost my pastor husband? If you have been keeping up with me here you know I am seeking God and His plan every step of the way, not to say it's easy! There are days where I still wish desperately to have my old life back! There is still pain in my loss but I am grateful that the intense pain seems to be getting less and less. I am being reminded more and more that God does still have good in store for me in this life! The verse that I am memorizing and really clinging to is:
Psalm 27:13, "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."
SO back to my purpose, I heard it said, that God will take our pain and turn it into our passion. I remember hearing that and thinking I hope that becomes true of me and then thought well I do love encouraging women and teaching them to be godly mothers, wives, sisters, daughters etc... so maybe God could use the pain and trials of my life. After all He has allowed these things <MY PURPOSE> so I can share my story and tell others that God is still worthy of being trusted, that He is still good and I believe with all my heart that He still loves you and me and is worth following, no matter our life circumstances!
As I sit here writing this today not knowing all the details or the course of the rest of my life. None of us really now what the future holds do we?? And no amount of planning and mapping out the next 5, 10 or more years will guarantee it either, not to say you shouldn't make plans or set goals. After all God can move a parked car =) But for me it is about surrendering my life and future to a sovereign God (He is the supreme ruler and authority of all things) . Of course I have desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4) some I share and some I keep between me and God but as I look to the future I do surrender to His perfect will! I hold my life open to the hand of God to take it and use it how He chooses. This is not easy to do and one that has been a continual process of surrender in my life.
Proverbs 19:21, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's PURPOSE that prevails!"
His purpose is prevailing in my life and for the first time in awhile I can actually with JOY say I am excited about my future and the purpose God has put before me! I am over the top thrilled about being given the opportunity to love on women by teaching and encourage them how to Live For More! Have you thought about your purpose? If you haven't taken the time to ask God what your purpose is, may now is the time! Will you pray today and ask Him what your purpose is?? God is so for you and LOVES you!! Just as I believe He has a great purpose for me, I know he does for you too!
Todd once said, "What we do in LIFE, echoes through ETERNITY!"
Praying we are a people who will Live For More,