I have to admit that this week leading up to Valentines Day has been a bit difficult! I once heard it said that Valentines is just "Single Awareness Day" I could not relate then but have to admit I felt a little sorry for those who did not have "someone." SO here I am very aware of my singleness and at times struggle over feeling sorry for myself... how ironic! I do know some women who don't care about the cards, flowers, chocolate and romance that Valentines Day brings but I have to admit, I DO!! Or I did. I LOVED that Todd always made a BIG deal over me on Valentines so I guess he spoiled me and so here I sit on this second Valentines without my romantic and most thoughtful Valentine. For you other romantics out there here is a little love note Todd wrote me a few years ago...
You are wonderful. You are more beautiful than a Texas sunset or a spring wild flower. You have no competitor or equal. Over 20 years and you still have to fight me off. I am blessed!
I pray for you daily, that God will direct your steps, encourage your heart, bless your time with the kids, and protect your life. I pray that these next years will grow your faith and maturity in him. That you will be different and changed because of your obedience in following Christ.
I am thankful to God for a helpmate like you. I want no other. I am blessed!!
SO with that kind of love, support and prayers how could I fail! See why I miss him so much???
As I sat in the quiet of Sunday morning praying and feeling heavy-hearted over my lack of romantic love and feeling the HUGE VOID from Todd's absence these past 18 months! It's as if a crescendo of tears came and I cried to the Lord for quite a while, then as my heart and mind have been trained to do I began to thank Him for all the wonderful Valentines of the past. The incredible deep not only spiritual but physical love I had the privilege to experience. An incredible earthly LOVE which I had and the LOVE that WAS... I had a rich and rewarding love relationship with what I felt then was my one true forever love. SO I praised God for the opportunity to love and be loved so extravagantly! I realize that there are many perhaps even some reading this now that have never even if only for a short time experienced the love Todd and I had. The Love that we experienced was a gift straight from the hand of God as I know all perfect and good gifts come from Him. SO even though my earthly love is no longer here does that mean no more LOVE for me? Absolutely NOT! Love looked different before, not better, nor is it worse now, just different. I believe that the love I had was all the things I have shared in this blog and still have many more incredible memories of which I will share more later but for NOW God is reminding that LOVE IS....
- the love and sacrifice Jesus has given me by dying on the cross for my sins
- Gods great forgiveness
- Gods great provision in every area of my life, spiritually, emotionally, physically
- Gods word, the inerrant inspired Holy Bible
- Gods great faithfulness
- the incredible and immeasurable grace of God
- my children with their incredible smiles, laughs, hugs and kisses and pure joy that reminds daily of Gods great love
- the love and support of many friends old and new, who on a regular basis continue to show me they are still here for us
- the financial provision that allows me to stay home and care for my children
- the continual opportunities I have been given to share my story
- the notes, gift, texts, emails, Facebook messages I receive is a constant reminder of the love so many have for me and my family
- those family and friends who help watch my kids and have loved and encouraged them
- new memories, my list could go on and on...
As I read Psalm 107 before failing asleep last night I was reminded of a great truth, repeated by the Psalmist four times!! Here it is in part...
vs. 1 Give thanks to the LORD for he is good; his LOVE endures forever
vs. 8 Let them give thanks for his unfailing LOVE
vs. 15 Let them give thanks for his unfailing LOVE
vs. 21 Let them give thanks for his unfailing LOVE
vs. 31 Let them give thanks for his unfailing LOVE
Todd loved me with a true and Christ centered love but he was human and a sinner so unlike God it was not perfect and at times failed me. Gods word reminds me that HIS LOVE is UNFAILING, how awesome is that??!! I certainly can give thanks for that!!
As I celebrate this Valentines day I have the great joy to share it with my incredible kiddos and a few great friends. I treasure the relationships God has brought into my life many of which have come to fruition as a result of Todd's passing. Thank you to those who have shown me love in some way shape or form. Even though nothing of the world will ever replace Todd and his great love I can say that God has allowed many of you to help my heart heal as you shown me new encouragement and love. SO again from the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you!! As I choose to focus on a different love this year. I look to the One that caught my attention at the age of 10 and has completely captured my heart. His love will not only be with me in this life but for all eternity. I am grateful that He not only loved me when Todd was alive but He loves me now. I cannot imagine how my heart would feel if I did not have Him. He is my true prince and is the only one who can and will ever complete me!! He is the LOVE who never fails! My prayer is that His Love will be enough for today and tomorrow and enough no matter the future plans God has for me!
Because of His Great LOVE, I can LOVE, be LOVED and Live For More,
PS I read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 this morning and am making this my LOVE prayer today...
"LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self -seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. LOVE does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. LOVE NEVER FAILS!"