Dear Jackson, I cannot believe it has been 9 years since you were born. Oh how I remember that day as though it were yesterday, June 6, 2003. Your Daddy and I could hardly wait to welcome our long awaited, much prayed for son into the world. We had prayed and tried to have a baby for 10 years!! I just knew you would be a big boy like your Daddy and by the size of my stomach I sure hoped I was carry a big one, ha! Because of your size I was scheduled to have a C-Section so I was able to get up in a relaxed fashion, put on makeup and then head over to the hospital at 10. Your entrance into the world happened in a operating room with your Daddy, myself and a few doctors. Oh and "Detroit Rock City" by KISS was playing through the speakers. Your Daddy thought that was totally perfect as he was a big fan of KISS. It isn't a surprise that you already have a deep love for classic rock.
So after you were born and we determined that at 2 weeks early you were a big boy weighing in at 9 pounds and then the shocker of all shockers, the nurse said, "Mom, Dad he has red hair!" Todd and I looked at each other with amazement and said, "he does?" What a wonderful surprise God gave us that day when you were born not only, with how big and healthy you were but with your beautiful red hair, as Todd would say, "not the kind that would get you beat up over but the pretty brownish auburn color." As a Mom it was very cool of God to give you your amazing hair color along with dimples, one on each cheek as deep as the grand canyon because every where I went people would stop and admire you. Then I had the opportunity to share your amazing God story. Of how we wanted, prayed, trusted and waited 10 years to have you! What an incredible and totally awesome gift you have been!!
As I think back this past year to all that we have gone through especially the HUGE loss and absence of your amazing Daddy I marvel at how well you have handled it all. I know that thousands are praying for us which I believe has helped us make it through! So even though losing your Daddy on August 13th was a total surprise and shock to us, God in his sovereignty was not taken by surprise. In fact it was part of His plan for Daddy's life which in turn has greatly impacted your life and your life will never be the same. As the months have passed since Daddy's relocation to Heaven I wanted to take this time to tell you how proud I am of you. I love the way you have stepped up and taken care of your sister and me and how much I have seen so many of the qualities your Daddy displayed coming out in you, like your love of football among other things. You amaze me with your love, kindness and just for the incredible young man you are becoming. Oh I know Daddy is so proud of you too!!
One tradition your Daddy started on your second birthday was he gave you a foundational stone to base your life upon. So on the first actual rock from the Guadalupe River he painted the word JESUS on it and presented it to you in front of our family and friends which was about 50 people at the infamous Wiggles birthday party. Your Daddy told you at the young age of two that the best thing you could do was to trust Jesus and give him your heart and life and if you would build your life on his firm foundation you would find the best security and experience eternal life. So with each birthday you were given a different foundational stone. They have included: love, others, obedience, patience, honesty and this year I felt your Daddy and the Lord would want you to have, TRUST.
Your Daddy's life verse which has become mine as well is Proverbs 3:5&6, "TRUST in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight!" So son, what does that all mean exactly? I feel as though the Lord is asking you and me to trust Him with all our heart which really is more than just the organ that pumps blood to your body, it also involves your soul and your emotions too! In the Spring of 2009 you asked Jesus to come into your heart and life and be your Savior. I was thrilled to tears when your Daddy shared that with me that night. He said that while putting you to bed you asked him to tell you the story of Jesus dying on the cross and then you said, "I want to ask Jesus to come into my heart so that I can have a relationship with him forever!" We were both in tears and we praised God that night for capturing your heart at the age of 5. It was something we had been praying for since before you were born and then to put icing on the cake, Daddy was able to baptize you later that week in Grandma's hot tub. That was a monumental event in your life and I am beyond grateful that you were able to share that with your Daddy!!
So what does TRUST in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding really mean?? It means when trusting in God when things like losing Daddy don't make sense to your human mind and heart. TRUST means hoping in a all loving God that even though your Daddy has been relocated to Heaven, God is still GOOD. He still loves you and has great plans for your life even when you need your Daddy and there is no replacement. Son, when we were praying to have a baby and sought the Lord in prayer and then after several failed attempts and years had passed our dreams of having a baby seemed to be slipping away we made a choice to TRUST when we wanted at times to give up but we knew God loved us and wanted the best for us even if it meant not having children. We surrendered that dream to him. Psalm 34:10b says that, "Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing" and Isaiah 49:23b, "those who hope (trust) in me will not be disappointed." God heard our prayers and answered them BIG time in giving us YOU!
My prayer for you as you take life one day at a time, TRUSTING God completely with your future, HE will make your paths straight!!
So as your Mother what a privilege it is to have you as my son, I praise God for choosing me to be your Mommy and I choose also to TRUST God with your future and I cannot wait to see all He has in store for you!!
You have captured my heart forever and YOU are a BIG reason why I can LIVE FOR MORE!!
I love you,
PS A few of my favorite pics =)