As I sit here today on this first Fathers Day without the most amazing Daddy I ever knew, my husband Todd! I didn't think that today would be so hard but I can't help but struggle through this day with a heavy heart. I cry and cry thinking about my kids not having the opportunity to know, love and experience more of their amazing Daddy, Jackson got 7 years and Bethany only 3. I hate this really!! My emotions want to carry me away to a deep, dark and hopeless pit yet I am know that this is part of God's plan! He knew our children would lose their incredible, God loving, attentive Daddy. I still wrestle with all this and I hate that my kids will not know their Daddy any more. Please God make this make sense to me, I chose to trust you even though this makes NO SENSE to my human mind and heart!! I know God is their Daddy now and he really always has been. As parents God entrusts us to raise our children in this earthly world, to train them up while all along they ultimately belong to Him. I had just imagined and hoped they would have had more time to spend with Todd. Create more memories, glean more of his amazing wisdom, wit and humor. It just seems too short!!
Thank you Jesus for reminding me just this morning as I sat and prayed, crying for my children and for my still aching heart that misses him so! Psalm 68:5, "A Father to the fatherless, a defender of the widows, is God in his holy dwelling!"
Your word says you ARE a Father to the fatherless, that's Jackson and Bethany and your are my defender, that is hard for me to wrap my brain around but I accept and am beyond grateful as I can't imagine how much harder this would be without you!! Remind me of this truth as I start to worry about their future and allow my mind to wander and worry!
I do know that many children in this world are living without their Daddy's for some reason or another and that my children although they have no Daddy now, they had one and what incredible memories they have! I am reminded of the many things he taught them, gave them, said to them and modeled before them. He planted seeds in my young children's minds that will impact them for the rest of their lives! At times I worry how Todd's death may negatively effect them I am gently and lovingly reminded that God is holding my children close, He is watching over them, Psalm 121: 5-8 says, "The LORD watches over you-the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." I am claiming that for my kids! As much as Todd loved them with such a BIG LOVE, Gods LOVE is GREATER and he promises to watch over them... WOW!!
Today I can't help but think also about my earthly fathers and even though I was a child who grew up in a home broken by divorce and full of struggle by Gods grace and love I turned out alright. I have three father figures in my life that have loved me, provided for me, sacrificed for me and are now loving and caring for my children too. Another reason to be grateful!!
God you are still good even when my life seems turned upside down and the pain is so great, you are still faithful, and very constant, never changing like the wind or my crazy life!! So today if you find yourself missing a father in your life or perhaps you are like me and the father of your children is not there I pray you will trust in the one who will give you ultimate protection, love, joy, peace and is the only true, Father. He loves you and wants to wrap his arms around you and your children! He is a father who will never leave you, he can't have a heart attack, get cancer or die. Can I get an Amen on that??
"May the God hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 I needed to be reminded of that one today =)
Dear Father, I do trust that even though I CAN'T trace your hand I CAN trust your heart. I know that even though my heart has a hard time making sense of my life and circumstances I can still know that you are good and that you love me and my precious Jackson and Bethany! Thank you for being a father to my children and being my defender. I love you with all my heart and soul!
Thanks for reading and for striving to Live For More with me!